What you find, as you read the Bible, is the truth that nothing catches God by surprise. He is always on the throne. He is carrying out his good plan of redemption.
We saw this in Ephesians 1, where we learned that God chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world, that we should be hold and blameless before him. In love, he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ. These verses teach us that God had a chosen plan of redemption before the earth was formed. Before the earth was made, God knew sin would enter the world, and he had a plan of adoption.
The Bible is emphatically clear that the cross was not God's plan B; it was always his plan A. So, throughout the Old Testament, we see prophesies and foreshadows pointing ahead to the coming of a Savior who would save the world through his death on the cross. Throughout the Old Testament, we find promises and foreshadows about God creating a united, diverse, and redeemed people through the death and resurrection of Jesus. And we're going to learn today that even the formation of marriage was intended to portray Christ's relationship with the church. Marriage was created to be a parable of Christ's relationship with the church long before the church was born. Before a husband and wife existed, God had created marriage to mirror the gospel. So, the closer we gaze into the mirror of marriage, the more we see the beautiful splendor of Christ and the church.
Let's dive in.
"[28] In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29] For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, [30] because we are members of his body. [31] 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' [32] This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. [33] However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
In verses 28-29, we find Paul calling the men in the church to love their wives as they do their own bodies. Notice here that there's no command to love oneself, though. There's only an assumption that one will love themselves.
Some of us might claim to hate ourselves, while some of us probably love ourselves a little more than we should. But, it's "a natural aspect of the human condition to love, nurture, and protect oneself." If you, for example, were to touch a hot stove, your natural response is to pull back your hand to protect your hand. A fundamental aspect of the human life is to protect your life. Paul here is saying that an essential element of the call on the husband's life is to learn how to cherish, nurture, and care for his bride in the same way he cherishes, nurtures, and cares for himself. The husband should "love his wife as he loves his own body."
So often, you hear about the husband's career or hobbies trampling over his wife. But gone are the days when a wife is forced to live in the shadows of the husband's wants and desires. Gone are the days when a man only looks out for himself. No, a godly husband gives himself to the humble service of caring for his bride. He loves his wife as his own body because he is now one flesh with her.
Now, it's important to note that our flesh isn't perfect. If we look in the mirror, we will find all sorts of blemishes. No one knows the flaws of our bodies more than ourselves. Yet, despite these flaws, we still nurture and care for our bodies. The same should be true of our marriage. There's no such thing as a perfect husband, and there's no such thing as a perfect wife. Yet, even with all her flaws and imperfections, the husband is still to nurture and care for her as her own flesh. A husband's care doesn't rest upon the shoulders of the wife's worthiness but upon the shoulders of grace. The husband is to cherish and nourish his wife (as his own body), just as Christ nourishes and cherishes the church (as his own body).
Together, the church makes up the bride of Christ, the one whom he loves dearly. And he has entered into a marital covenant with his bride, making us one with him, a member of his body. Therefore, a husband must love his bride like Jesus loves his bride, the church.
This reminds us of essential truths surrounding marriage and the hope of the gospel. If we (the church) are members of Christ's body, he will not forsake us. In the same way that a head will never abandon its body, Christ will never abandon the church. In the same way that a man will never stop caring for his body, Christ will never stop caring for the church. Christ will always remain lovingly, graciously, and fully invested in his bride, the church. And a husband ought to do the same.
To support this, Paul directs our attention back to the garden in Genesis 2. Look at verse 31.
"Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
Notice there are quotation marks surrounding this verse here. Quotation marks tell us he's quoting something said previously.
In Genesis 2, God creates man and commissions him to work and tend to the garden. Not long after, the LORD said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." So, the LORD caused a deep sleep to fall on the man, and while he slept, he took one of Adam's ribs and made a woman from it. Once he woke up, he said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.'" Following this declaration, we read, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed."
So, at the beginning of creation, we find the marriage union introduced. These words will be the foundation on which the rest of the Bible interprets marriage. This teaches us a fundamental element regarding marriage: the creator of marriage is God. God established marriage in the garden.
So, you might hear someone say that marriage is old school. They would be right. Marriage is about as old school as you can get. But we see here that marriage wasn't a man-made establishment; it was a God-ordained union formed for his people's good and His own glory (as we will see soon).
Now, if God is the creator of marriage, then he gets to set the parameters of marriage. A jar doesn't get to say to the potter, "I don't like the handle you've given me, so I'm going to change it a bit." No, the creator is also the orchestrator. The one who sets something in motion also gets to guide the direction.
We see this being the case in Genesis 2. What's profound here is that Adam and Eve didn't have a father and mother to leave because they were the first and only people on the earth at this time. Yet, God says, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." So, at the very beginning of time, God is setting into place what marriage was intended to be. He's establishing a practice to be observed from this point forward. What occurred in Genesis 2 was intended to be the defining moment of marriage. Here in Genesis 2, we learn that God has designed marriage to be a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman, a leaving of your father and mother, and a holding fast to one another. "A man shall leave his father and mother and become one flesh with his woman, his wife."
There are two things worth unpacking here: the leaving and clinging portion of this verse. When we unpack these two things, we will better understand what marriage was intended to be.
The verb used here for "leave" means to leave behind, forsake, abandon, or desert. It's the grandmother leaving the fox in the woods in the movie The Fox and the Hound. It's you dropping off clothes at Goodwill. It can be a sad word, a word of separation. The relationship between the parent and the child will never be the same whenever the child says, "I do." That child's primary allegiance and dependence no longer belongs to the mom and dad; it belongs to the spouse. A new union, family, and body have been birthed on the marriage altar. When two people get married, they're choosing to start a new family together.
This is why, at the start of most wedding ceremonies, the father walks down the aisle with the bride, and the minister asks, "Who gives this woman in marriage?" To which the father will respond, "Her mother and I."
A fundamental element of marriage is the reality that your relationship with your parents will never be the same again. You have left behind your father and mother to hold fast to your wife.
Many marriages struggle in ways they shouldn't because of a lack of understanding of this reality. Many parents aren't willing to be left. They've lived vicariously through their child and don't want to be let go. But, parents, when you give your son or daughter away, you must understand that things won't be the same as they were before. Your child is starting a family of their own, which is a good thing. It's how God has designed it. Holidays may be different. That's ok. Traditions may die. That's ok. God has created marriage to be this way.
In the same way that you were able to create memories with your spouse and your children, your child can now begin to start their own memories with their spouse and children. Don't fight this; encourage it. Learn how to navigate life well in this new role of a parent.
With that being said, leaving your father and mother doesn't mean you completely cut ties with your father and mother. You still walk through life with your parents, just in a different way. Your priorities have just changed. Your allegiance has shifted. Understand that this is a difficult transition for your parents. It's likely much more difficult for them than it is for you. So, strive to honor them as you cling to another. Learn how to navigate life well in this new role as a spouse.
Now, not only do you leave your father and mother, but you are to hold fast to your spouse. "Hold fast" means to adhere to, stick to, or join with your wife. It means to glue or weld yourself to another. This is a language of permanence, strength, and unity. As a hand doesn't have the freedom to leave the body, a husband doesn't have the freedom to leave his wife (and vice-versa).
I've officiated quite a few weddings over the years, and I've come in contact with several symbolisms used to convey what is taking place on a wedding day. I've seen people tie knots to symbolize the strength of a marriage. I've seen people mix sand or light candles to represent the blending together of families. Well, I look forward to the day when a couple brings welding helmets and a blow torch and welds together two metals. God has designed marriage to be a welding together of two people who will be one until death do them part.
To signify its permanence, a marriage in the Bible is seen as a covenant, not a contract. In addressing the Israelites' spiritual insensitivity, Malachi 2:14 states, "But you say, 'Why does he not (accept our offerings)?' Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant." So, here, Malachi draws attention to the fact that God has not responded to their offerings because the Israelites have not been faithful to the wife they covenanted with in their youth. This tells us that marriage was created as a covenant that should be carried out faithfully. Marriage is a lifelong covenant, not a short-term contract. A contract is designed to protect oneself if the other party fails to fulfill their obligations. However, a covenant is a permanent promise. It is the giving of oneself for the benefit of another. A covenant is a profound and binding promise of the heart. You can enter a contract and still be looking out for their self-interest. However, that's not the way of a covenant. God created a marriage covenant to be a selfless commitment, the forging together of two separate lives.
If marriage is a permanent promise, we must conclude that marriage is intended to be a lifelong commitment. When questioned about divorce in Matthew 19, Jesus referenced the same verse Paul quoted in Genesis 2. He was asked, "Is it lawful (is it ok) to divorce your wife for any cause?" And at this moment, Jesus knew they were asking this question because of Deuteronomy 24. In Deuteronomy, we find specific laws given regarding divorce. And instead of unpacking Deuteronomy 24, he first draws the attention of his audience past Deuteronomy 24 to Genesis 2. In doing so, he's reminding his audience that God's original intention for marriage was to be lasting, not temporary. The husband and wife have uniquely become one entity. So, a husband is not free to leave his wife because of a change of appearance. A wife doesn't get to leave her husband because she lacks feelings toward him. Marriage was intended to be a lifelong covenant. Therefore, we must be willing to work through the tough times together with our spouses.
Like Jesus, Paul in Ephesians 5 draws the church's attention back to this creation narrative. In doing so, he's saying that a husband should love his wife as his own body, cherishing and nourishing her, because God created marriage to be the joining together of two people for an entire life together.
Paul goes on to say that forming one flesh in marriage was a profound mystery related to Christ and the church. When we say mystery, we mean something hidden and not fully known. Think of it like something that was always there but hidden in the shadows, something that was once dimly lit but now fully visible, something that was once foggy but is now clear. Paul is saying that the creation of marriage on the sixth day was patterned after Christ's future loving relationship with the church. Marriage was created to be a parable of Jesus' relationship with the church long before the church was born.
Think about that for a moment.
Marriage is a good gift from the Lord. It should lead to joy, happiness, and pleasure. It should lead to our holiness and sanctification. But, more than all of this, marriage was created to be a portrait of the gospel. God designed marriage to reflect his loving relationship with his people.
Married folks, do you understand that you are a part of a tiny portrait of Christ's relationship with his bride, the church?
We live in a day and age where many have no desire to open their Bibles. However, how you interact with your spouse can teach the world how God interacts with his spouse. So, be careful how you treat your spouse. Be careful how you speak about your spouse. Husbands, let each of you love his wife as himself. And wives, let each of you see that you respect your husband.