Today, we will look at a passage in Ephesians that contrasts the lifestyle of a life outside God's kingdom and the lifestyle of a life inside of God's kingdom. A specific etiquette should be found within the kingdom of God. As God's people, there are things we do and things we don't do.
Today, we will learn that God's people will seek to honor God with their bodies, hearts, minds, and mouths.
At the start of Ephesians 5, we find Paul calling the church to be imitators of God. We are to do as God has done. We are to live as Christ has lived. We are to serve as Christ has served. We are to love as Christ loves. If we could summarize the way of God's kingdom down to one thing, it would be self-sacrificing love. Those in Christ are called to crucify their selfish hearts so that they can selflessly serve one another in a manner that reflects the cross.
Here, in Ephesians 5:3, Paul contrasts selfless living with selfish living. No matter how the world tries to package it, sexual immorality is not an expression of love. We will learn today that God expects his people to handle the gift of sex with a selfless, humble, gentle, and thankful heart. In a world that uses sex for selfish gain, God expects his people to view and use sex selflessly. Sex is not a drug that we flippantly use to satisfy our fleshly cravings; it is a gift from the Lord that we seek to use in a selfless manner that brings glory to God.
Let's dive in.
"[3] But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. [4] Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. [5] For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. [6] Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. [7] Therefore do not become partners with them; [8] for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord."
In looking at verse 3, Paul lays out three sins that a believer ought to avoid: sexual immorality, impurity, and covetousness. When you read through the New Testament, both sexual immorality and impurity are consistently linked together. I would argue that they're two sides of the same coin. Together, they encompass all sexual sins.
Sexual immorality is the Greek word porneia. It's where we get the word pornography from. It describes forbidden sexual intercourse. Impurity (akatharsia) is to be physically or morally unclean. It's an uncleanness that stems much deeper than the physical; it's an uncleanness of our hearts and motives. Paul here says we are to put away "all impurity." So, together, these two words encompass every type of sexual sin you could imagine.
To better understand sexual immorality and impurity, it might be helpful first to define sex. To understand what the Bible says we shouldn't do regarding sex, we need to understand what the Bible says we should do regarding sex.
First and foremost, from a biological standpoint, sex is the act that leads to procreation. God gives us the gift of sex to fill the earth with people. It's the instrument to which children are conceived and born.
But, you will also find in the Bible that God has a deeper design for sex than just procreation. God has created sex to be pleasurable and enjoyable. God has designed sex to be a selfless act of worship that a husband and a wife get to enjoy throughout their whole life together privately. Sex is a good gift from the LORD that God calls us to enjoy within the confines of marriage.
The book of Proverbs, for example, is explicit in what it calls a husband to do. We find the call to "Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful foe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated in her love."
So, here we find four foundational pillars regarding sex:
Sex is for marriage— "rejoice in the wife of your youth."
This is a call to remain faithful to your spouse and your spouse alone. Do not acquire wandering eyes.
Sexual immorality is the perversion of this. It's a husband no longer rejoicing in the wife of his youth and pursuing the comfort of another lover. It's a single person awakening love before its appointed time. It's one's attempt to open the gift of sex outside of the confines of marriage.
Sex is selfless— "Let your fountain be blessed."
Sexual immorality and impurity are expressed through an attempt to be blessed. But Godly sex is expressed through an effort to bless the spouse God has given you. God has created sex to be a selfless act of worship where you give yourself totally to your spouse. It's an expression of blessing. It's you saying, "I'm selflessly giving myself to you to bring you pleasure."
Sex is satisfying— "Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight."
In talking about money, Jesus says, "It is better to give than receive." I believe this principle to be true in marriage, as well. Sex is most satisfying when it's expressed through selfless worship.
The selfish heart is always left wanting more and is never satisfied. But, oh, the joy and pleasure that comes from a selfless heart.
Sex is private— "Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you."
The Christian faith is one of generosity. Jesus calls us to a high standard of sharing and giving. However, that type of generosity does not apply to the marriage bed. You are never to share with another what belongs to you and your spouse. You ought to be stingy and protective when it comes to the private and intimate parts of your marriage. Let no one peek behind the curtain of something designed to be so personal and private.
Church, this is one of the many reasons why pornography is so wicked. Pornography wages war against how God designed sex to be. Pornography is the act of making public something designed to be private. It's the act of inviting strangers to drink from a well that was created for one.
It's nobody's business what takes place between you and your spouse. And it's none of your business what happens between someone else and their spouse. Drink from your well. If you're not yet married, resist the temptation to go to someone else's well for a drink. God designed sexual intimacy to be enjoyed privately between a husband and a wife.
Sexual immorality and impurity are the thwarting of this good gift. It's your pursuit of pleasure in someone or something other than your spouse.
Think about it in terms of the garden.
In the garden, God gave Adam the freedom to eat from any tree he wished, except one tree, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. And, in the garden, God warned Adam what would happen if he sought to enjoy the fruit of the forbidden tree— "he would surely die." Yet, over time, the forbidden fruit's beauty and lure became more appealing than the accessible fruit. They eventually ate, and death entered the picture.
The same is true here with sex. God says, "Hey, enjoy the good gift of sex within the confines I've given you, the confines of marriage." Yet, the enemy tempts us to taste the fruit of a forbidden lover.
Sexual immorality and all impurity describe the various ways we seek to wage war against God's good design of sex. It's the act of having sex before marriage with your boyfriend or girlfriend. It's the act of a male making love to another male or a female making love to another female. It's the act of viewing pornography. It's the act of reading sexually explicit books or magazines. It's the act of fantasizing about someone other than your spouse. It's you seeking to find satisfaction and pleasure with anyone or anything other than your spouse. It covers what we do with our bodies, what we see with our eyes, what we think in our hearts, and what we say with our words.
These things are the manipulation of God's good gift of sex. They are, at their very core, selfish and not loving. They will only lead to heartache and pain. Therefore, we should abstain from them.
Right next to these things, we find the sin of covetousness (pleonexia). Covetousness is the greedy desire to have more. It comes in all different shapes and sizes, but it's primarily the act of looking at someone else's possessions and wanting them for yourself. This can be a car, house, job, or even someone else's spouse.
Paul says these things aren't even worth mentioning among the saints. This implies an extreme distance between a believer and these practices. 1 Thessalonians 4:7 says, "For God has not called us to uncleanness, but to holiness." So, there's no room for these sins within the life and heart of a believer. This may be who you once were, but this should no longer be who you are now. There's a new standard of living within the kingdom of God. When it comes to these sins, it's better to run than to fight. It's better to crucify than to entertain. It's better to be overly cautious than to be careless. God calls us to holiness. So, may we be holy with our body, with our eyes, with our hearts, and with our words.
Paul then says, "Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving." Interestingly, this is the only time we see these terms used in the Bible. Filthiness (aschrotēs) means obscenity, dishonor, or shamefulness. Foolish talk (morologia) means silly, empty, senseless, frivolous, or buffoonery. Crude joking (eutrapelia) means vulgar, witty, and harmful jesting.
Given the context of what's being discussed here, we can summarize these three things as referring to a dirty mind expressing itself in dirty conversation. So, not only are we to be pure in our actions, but we are also to be pure in our speech.
God's not anti-laughter; he is a God of joy and happiness. But God does care about the topic of our humor. There are things we can joke about and things we cannot joke about. There are things we should discuss and things we shouldn't discuss. Crude jokes can be a paintbrush for the imagination. They can be a way of inviting a neighbor into the privacy of your bedroom. So, let these things be far from your lips. Be careful what you're endorsing through laughter.
Instead of crude joking and vulgar talk, we should be people who give thanks. Thanksgiving is critical for the life of a believer. We should always be thankful for the many gifts God has given us. John Stott puts it this way, "All God's gifts, including sex, are subjects for thanksgiving, rather than for joking. To joke about them is bound to degrade them; to thank God for them is the way to preserve their worth as the blessings of a loving Creator." So, thankfulness is a tangible way in which we can hold highly the good gifts God has given us in this life.
Paul then goes on to warn the church, "For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord."
Here, we find strong language regarding what will happen to those who actively walk in these sins. Notice the parallel between the sins we are to avoid in verse 3 and the people described in verse 6. They're the same. Those who choose to walk in the sins listed above will have no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
This should leave a lump in our throat. Yes, there is an unbelievable amount of grace for the sinner. We see it in the text: for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light. Every one of us is guilty of sin. Each of us has carried out the desires of our body and mind. Each one of us was once sexually immoral, impure, and covetous. But, not anymore! That's who we once were, but it shouldn't be who we are now. We've tasted the grace of Jesus, which has softened our hardened hearts, changing us from the inside out.
Make no mistake. Those who choose to walk in these sins will have no home in heaven, and they will feel the full weight of God's wrath.
Church, sometimes I fear that we try to dull down warning passages in the Bible and make them into something they're not. But warning passages are there to warn us. They're there to communicate to us the seriousness of sin. God will not tolerate sin. He hates sin. He's gone to extreme lengths to save us from the punishment of sin. So, as believers who have been saved from these sins, we seek to avoid them at all costs because we understand the seriousness of them.
As I've reflected on my own life and counseled many young men regarding sexual immorality, I've come to realize that two things keep us from walking in these sins: love and fear of God.
Those who love God want to honor God with their actions, thoughts, and words. And those who fear God will turn away from evil. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; it prolongs life. Those who love and fear God won't want to continue walking in the wickedness they've been delivered from.