The Bible says, "A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD." So, I'm convinced that God has designed marriage for our good, for our joy, for our pleasure, for our happiness, and for our holiness. But I'm also convinced that if we want to enjoy marriage the way God has intended it to be enjoyed, we need to understand how God has designed marriage to be enjoyed. And what I think we will discover today is the truth that, more than anything else, marriage was created for God's glory.
In Ephesians, we've learned that the ultimate call upon a believer's life is to glorify God (1:3-14, 5:17). God's will for our life is to make us more like Jesus so that we can make much of Jesus. God's glory should rule our every decision as followers of Jesus. And, in our passage today, we will discover that God has designed marriage to be a beautiful portrait of Christ's relationship with his bride, the church. Yes, marriage is a joy. But, more than marriage is for your happiness, it's for God's glory. Yes, marriage is sanctifying. But, more than marriage is for your holiness, it is for God's glory. God created and designed marriage for our good and his glory.
Marriage was created in God's infinite goodness to be a portrait of the gospel to a lost and dying world. This truth should shape how we view and treat marriage. If marriage was created for God's glory, we should seek to steward the gift of marriage in a way that brings him glory. So, on the days that the butterflies fly away, our call to faithfully love our spouse will remain anchored because God is glorified through selfless love. On the days we're unhappy with the state of our marriage, we should find joy in remaining faithful because God is glorified through our covenantal commitment to the spouse of our youth.
Today, we will learn that God is most glorified in marriage when a husband and wife interact with one another in a way that reflects the gospel. When we allow God's glory to shape what and why we do what we do, submission and headship no longer seem cruel. They become truly beautiful and necessary when we understand what they portray.
As we unpack the topic of submission today, there are six questions I want us to ask,
What is submission?
Is submission offensive?
Who is a wife called to submit to?
Why does a wife submit to her husband?
What does submission mean for a husband?
What does this mean for us if we're single?
Let's dive in.
"[22] Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. [23] For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands."
WHAT IS SUBMISSION?
The first necessary question we must ask here is, "What is submission?"
After our passage last week, Paul called the church to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. This verse exposes the humility that ought to exist within the family of God. There is no position of prominence within the church. We are all members of Christ's body, of which He is the head. So, out of reverence for our king, Jesus, we are to submit to one another, meaning we are to yield ourselves to the good of one another.
Superiority and pride are the heart postures of the wicked. No one who has the love of Christ written on their heart is too good to submit. It doesn't matter if you are a 75-year-old pastor who has been walking with the Lord for 65 years or if you're a one-day-old convert; the life of a believer is one of humble service, not prideful dominance.
But, here, we find Paul turning to the context of marriage and directing his attention to the wife, saying that she is to "submit herself to her husband, as she does to the Lord." The word for submission is hypotassō. It means to put oneself under the authority and leadership of another willingly. This is a word used often throughout the New Testament. It's the same word used by Luke to describe Jesus as a child when he submitted to his parents (Lk. 2:51). It's the same word used in Ephesians 1 to explain how all things were put under the feet of Jesus (Eph. 1:22-23). It's the same word used in 1 Peter, where believers are called to be subject to every human institution (our governing authorities) for the Lord's sake (1 Pt. 2:13-14). So, as John Piper, in his book This Momentary Marriage, defines submission, "[It is] the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband's leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts."
IS SUBMISSION OFFENSIVE?
Before we further unpack this, I want to answer the anticipated question, "Should submission be offensive?"
What makes the call to submit so challenging to hear today is that submission appears to threaten one's identity and worth. The statement "submit to your husband" is often interpreted as "you are less than your husband." So, before we go any further, I want to clarify that submission doesn't equate to a lack of dignity and worth. Submission shouldn't be offensive; it should be an honor.
In Genesis 1-2, we see that both men and women share the same human nature. They were both made in God's image and commissioned equally to rule the earth. Therefore, they are both equal in essence, deserving to be recognized, honored, valued, and dignified as human beings made in God's image. One is not "more human" or "more valuable" than the other. However, we also see in Genesis 2 that men and women received unique roles that should be expressed differently. Since Adam was created first and Eve was created to be Adam's helper (Gen. 2:18), God gave Adam specific instructions for him and Eve to abide by together (Gen. 2:16-17). Adam was responsible for leading, nourishing, and lovingly cherishing his wife. Eve was to complement and help Adam rule over creation. This indicates that, although a husband and a wife are equal, they've been given unique roles.
Equality is not the same thing as exactness. One of the many beauties of the Christian faith resides in our oneness and uniqueness. We are united yet different; we are one body but different members. In the same way, one of the beauties of marriage resides in the various roles God has called a husband and wife to. Although we are one, we've been given different roles.
We see this demonstrated for us in the Trinity. There is one God who eternally exists in three persons. In the Trinity, we see the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit as equal in worth, value, and honor; they are one. But, despite this oneness, each person has a different role. In John 5, for example, we see Jesus tell the religious leaders that he was sent by the Father to do the work of the Father, walking in complete submission to the Father's will. So, although Jesus was one with the Father, he willingly submitted to the will of the Father. But, because the Son submitted to the Father, that doesn't mean he was any less than the Father. He was the Word made flesh, fully divine. Yet, he willfully, intentionally, and joyfully submitted himself to the Father's will.
So, if submission was offensive, Christ should be offended. But, if Christ willingly submits, we should willingly submit. Submission shouldn't be offensive; it should be an honor. Submission is an opportunity to display the life and character of our Savior and Lord, Jesus.
WHO IS A WIFE CALLED TO SUBMIT TO?
Next, I want us to quickly note who a wife is called to submit to. Notice here that God calls a wife to submit to her "own husband." On the one hand, we are all called to submit ourselves to one another out of reverence for Christ. But, in a deeper sense, a wife is not called to submit to all men as she does with her own husband. A unique and beautiful relationship of submission and headship should be present between a husband and a wife.
Be careful how you talk about your spouse to others. Be sure you respect and honor your spouse in how you talk about your spouse in public. And be careful how you speak to other people's spouses. Ensure you always respect the marital union between a husband and a wife. We want to push a husband and wife toward one another, not away from one another.
WHY SUBMIT?
But why does a wife submit to her husband? Well, the answer Paul gives here is deeply theological. We live in a day and age where many want to be able to separate doctrine from living. Sometimes, we want to take a break from theology and live. But that's an impossible task. What we believe shapes how we live. Sometimes this is a good thing; sometimes it's a bad thing. Good doctrine leads to good living; bad doctrine leads to bad living.
In Ephesians, we find yet another example of how gospel doctrine should shape gospel living. How a husband and wife interact with one another is shaped by how we relate to God. So, a wife submits and respects her husband because it's a portrait of the gospel, and a husband leads and loves his wife because it's a portrait of the gospel. "The husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior." So, "as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands." So, a wife submits to her husband, not because he is deserving, but because Christ is worthy of being glorified. God is glorified through a wife's willing submission to her husband in all things. When a wife willingly and joyfully submits to her husband, she is preaching the glory of the gospel to her husband. One of the best ways for a wife to win her lost husband to Christ is to practice what she preaches in the home. God created submission and headship within marriage to portray the gospel.
WHAT DOES SUBMISSION MEAN FOR THE HUSBAND?
But what does submission mean for a husband? Submission implies leadership— "The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church." The term "head" is used within the context of leaders in the Bible (Judges 11:11). John Piper defines headship as "the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christlike, servant leadership, protection, and provision in the home."
We will expound on the husband's role more next week. But Paul says, "The husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior." So, the husband isn't leading an inferior subordinate; he's leading his own body, the precious woman he loves, bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh. Therefore, his leadership should be gentle, kind, patient, and caring. In addition, Paul describes Christ as his bride's Savior. This tells us that the husband's leadership should be selfless and sacrificial. A husband is never free to force a wife to submit to his own will, wants, and desires. Instead, he should lovingly and sacrificially lay down his wants and desires to lead his wife and family toward life and godliness.
In the same way Christ took the lead in saving his bride, a husband should take the lead in suffering and dying for his bride. He leads in providing for his bride. He leads in protecting his bride. He leads in discipling his bride. He leads in reconciliation with his bride. So, circling back to Piper's initial definition of biblical submission, "Submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband's leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts."
But, here's the beauty of a wife's relationship with her husband. To submit to your husband doesn't mean you'll always agree with your husband. 1 Peter 3:1 says, "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct." So Peter is saying that a wife should submit to her husband, even if he's not a believer, because in doing so, he may see the beauty of Christ and be won to Christ.
There will undoubtedly be moments when you disagree with your husband. But, with that, submission shouldn't equal silence. Godly husbands are not dictators. No, Godly leaders value counsel (Prov. 11:13, 15:22; 20:18; 24:6; 27:9). In the same way, the most Godly husbands should value the voice and counsel of their brides. A wise and loving husband should seek to cherish and value the opinions and thoughts of his bride. So, as we submit, we may not always agree with our spouse. But, a healthy marriage should have a healthy amount of communication. Submission also doesn't equal laziness. Marriage is created to be a relationship where the husband and wife work toward the common goal of glorifying Christ together. Think about it like a dance. One person leads, while the other follows. Yet, both are necessary for the dance to happen.
Now, with that being said, a wife should never submit to her husband's will if it goes against God's will. Think about Shadrach, Meeshack, and Abendego, for example. God's people are clearly commanded to submit to and obey their governing authorities (1 Pt. 2:13). Yet when their governing authorities commanded them to bow down and worship someone other than their God, they had to respectfully disobey. The same is true regarding a wife's relationship with her husband. A wife should submit to her husband in all things until that thing clearly goes against God's will. Then, she has to respectfully disagree.
Now, it's here that I want to say that the church should always be a safe place for the hurt and broken. Wives, if you have an abusive husband who is demanding you to do things that are not of the Lord, please come to us and ask for help, and we will walk through this with you. Asking for help doesn't mean you're weak. In fact, I would argue that asking for help is a sign of strength. Asking for help isn't selfish, nor is it unloving. In fact, I would argue that asking for help is one of the greatest declarations of love. Asking for help doesn't mean you're walking out on your marriage, nor does it mean your marriage is over. It just means you're seeking help to restore your marriage.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR US IF WE’RE SINGLE?
As we close today, I want to speak to my single brothers and sisters for a brief moment. Your spouse is the only family member you get to choose, so choose wisely.
The older you get, the more you will likely long for a companion. You long to find a spouse, someone to come home to and walk through life with you. And because of this desire, there's a growing temptation to settle. Your standards of a Godly spouse begin to crumble a bit. So, instead of a godly, Christlike man, you just want a good man. Instead of a follower of Jesus, you just want someone who will bring you flowers and make you laugh. But, may this passage remind you of what you're committing to in marriage. Ladies, you're not just looking for someone to come home to; you're looking for someone to submit to. You're not just looking for someone charming but someone who will lead you closer to Jesus. So, please, I encourage you to choose wisely who you will submit to.
Men, the Bible says that "it is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife (Prov. 21:9)." "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised (Prov. 31:10)." So, you are not just looking for someone pretty; you're looking for a woman who adorns herself with the humble and gentle spirit of Christ. So, please, I encourage you to choose wisely who you will lead.