A world-renowned school counselor here in Mobile, AL, recently did an exercise on the power of our words with her students. In this exercise, she passed out tiny paper hearts to her students. Each heart represented their heart. As she talked, she periodically told the kids to fold their hearts, and each fold represented a hurtful word spoken to them. After about five minutes of folding, she had the students unfold the hearts. As they unfolded their hearts, the students realized their hearts would never be the same due to the creases caused by each fold.
This exercise was intended to represent how powerful our words are. The phrase, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," simply isn't always accurate. Words possess great power. They can be used for good, and they can be used for corruption. They can be medicine, or they can be poison. They can build up, and they can tear down.
So, I would be willing to bet that it's quite likely some of the greatest pain you've experienced in this life stems from words you've had spoken to you. Many of you are walking around with creases on your hearts. Your heart is full of pain and trauma caused by the various hurtful things spoken to you in this life. Your heart has been battered and damaged. It seems you've been on the receiving end of mean and hurtful speech your whole life. Perhaps at home, your father was never proud of you. Perhaps at school, your friends constantly mocked and ridiculed you. Perhaps your spouse makes you feel like garbage. Perhaps you've tried to find a spouse and been met with constant rejection. Because of this, your heart has become hard and calloused.
But, what we're going to be reminded of today is this: when we place our faith in Jesus, God gives us a new heart. Our heart no longer has to have creases. In Christ, our offenses against God are forgiven and washed away. In Christ, we are a new creation. In Christ, we stand before the Father holy, blameless, and above reproach. In Christ, our heart of stone is replaced with a heart of flesh.
So, what that means is this: we no longer have to walk around with creased hearts! The cross offers us forgiveness and healing. It offers us the ability to forgive those who have sinned against us. So you don't have to be bitter and angry anymore. God gives you the ability and the strength to forgive as he has forgiven you. In our passage today, God continues to show us there is a better way of living than how we once lived.
Let's dive in.
"31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
In these two verses, we find Paul doing what he has done for the past six verses. He tells us what we shouldn't do as Christians, followed by what we should do as Christians, followed by a reason.
So, I want us first to define what we are called to put off as Christians. We will ask the simple question, "What should we not do?"
BITTERNESS
The first thing we see that we are to put off is bitterness. Trying to live out the Christian faith with a bitter heart is like playing soccer with no feet. It's like trying to plant a garden on a basketball court. It simply won't work.
Bitterness (pikria) is a sour and yucky spirit. It's a slow simmering of hard feelings toward someone or something. It's the act of dwelling on grievances, nursing our frustrations.
Bitterness is the opposite of friendliness. It's a poison of the heart that pushes us away from community, not toward it. It possesses a unique ability to drive wedges in friendships and can destroy all sorts of relationships. The bitter person often finds themselves alone and in isolation. The bitter person seldom smiles and often frowns. Joy and laughter are far from their hearts.
But what's interesting about bitterness is that it often thwarts our perception of reality, causing us to view things far worse than they actually are. A bitter heart always assumes the worst. There are no accidents to the bitter person, everything is intentional.
The bitter heart never has difficulty justifying its bitter actions. There's always a good reason to be jaded and sour. "You don't understand; that person did me wrong." says the bitter man.
Yet, God calls us to put bitterness down. No amount of pain, heartache, and turmoil in this life is a justifiable means to embrace bitterness. Choosing to hold on to bitterness is like choosing to drink soured milk when you could drink water. It will only lead to your misery and the misery of those around you. So, "put bitterness away from you," Paul says.
I read this week that a bitter root will lead to bitter fruit. This saying is true. Bitter actions follow a bitter heart; sour actions follow a sour spirit. And this is what I believe we find being laid out for the rest of verse 31, the fruit of a hard and soured heart.
WRATH + ANGER
Out of a bitter heart flows wrath. Wrath (thymos) could be understood as a passionate outburst of rage or hostile feelings. It's anger boiling up and then soon subsiding. It's you being short-tempered. It's you being triggered by just the smallest things. It's you lashing out in rage whenever you are inconvenienced or threatened. It's the opposite of patience and peace. It's self-centered and harmful to our neighbors.
Similar to wrath, anger (orge) is the movement or agitation of the soul. It's you shaking with uncontrollable rage, an impulse, and a desire for violent emotion.
Neither wrath nor anger are welcome in the hearts and lives of a believer. These things lead us away from love, not toward it. They lead to us hurting, not healing, those around us.
CLAMOR + SLANDER
Clamor (kraugē) is an outcry of rage. It's the act of crying out or screaming at someone. It's the couple arguing in your apartment next door. It's a father yelling at their kids to eat their dinner or go to bed. It's a friend drunkenly shouting in rage at the party. Nothing damages our reputation as a Christian faster than the act of clamoring.
Slander is the quiet and shy sibling to clamor. If clamor is a loud outcry of rage, slander is a silent whisper of rage. Slander (blasphēmia) is the act of speaking about someone in a demeaning way that harms their reputation. Some of us don't fear confrontation and are content with watching others sulk in pain. Others of us hate confrontation. Therefore, we do most of our work in the shadows.
You'll never see us yelling at a party on Saturday; instead, you'll find us quietly gossiping at the coffee shop on Monday. You'll never hear us yelling with our spouse next door because we're too busy texting about our spouse to our friends. Many of us will turn our noses up at a video on Facebook of people rioting in public. Then, two minutes later, we text our friend, slandering our coworker in private. Slander is the silent work of bulldozing the reputation of others behind their back. But, neither clamoring nor slandering has any place in the hearts and lives of a believer.
MALICE
Malice (Kakia) is ill-will toward another. It's a calculated desire to injure and harm your neighbor. It's a type of wickedness that's not ashamed of breaking laws.
We are to put off all of these things. We are to put them away from us. The phrase "put away" means picking up and removing an item from its original place. So, these things are not welcome within the heart of God's people. We should take them and put them far from us.
But here's the unfortunate reality of life: until the day that we die, the weeds of sin will never stop growing in our hearts. So, putting these things away isn't a one-time event; it's a consistent and daily act of denying oneself. Jesus says, "If anyone were to come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow after me." Every day, we must tend to the garden of our hearts. Putting off sin is a daily task.
KINDNESS
As we take these things off, we are to then put on kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness— "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
Kindness (chrēstos) is an action wrapped up in pursuing your neighbor's good. It's the opposite of harshness, bitterness, and quarreling. It's to be mild, manageable, and pleasant. The kind person seeks to be as helpful to others as possible, while the bitter person stands off and holds back helpfulness. Kindness is selfless living; bitterness is selfish living. Kindness leads to generosity; bitterness leads to theft. Kindness looks outward; bitterness looks inward.
NT Wright says this about kindness, "…Kindness is one of the purest forms of the imitation of God. How would it be if God were the kind of god who was always making snide or bitter remarks at us? What would worship and prayer be like if we thought God had been talking about us behind our backs, putting us down to others? How would we feel if we thought we couldn't trust God to tell us the truth, if he was always losing his temper with us? Well: how do people feel about us if that's what we're like? Wouldn't it be better in every way to be like God?" So, walking in kindness with one another is a tangible way to display God's glory to those around us.
TENDER-HEARTED
Not only are we to be kind, but we are also to be tender-hearted (eusplagchnos). This is obvious, but being tender-hearted is the opposite of being hard-hearted. It's to be compassionate and willing to show pity.
One of the greatest dangers of living out the Christian faith is to become hard-hearted.
I've played a lot of baseball throughout my life, and I never wore batting gloves. During the season, I would swing a bat 500+ times a day. But, after the season, I always took a break from hitting. So, I would have to be careful when I would pick back up a bat to start hitting again. The consistent friction and rubbing of the bat on my hands would lead to my hands becoming blistered. But, over time, those blisters would evolve into callouses. My once tender hands would turn into calloused and hard hands. Having calloused hands would prevent me from feeling pain from the rubbing of the bat.
I fear the Christian life can easily become like swinging a baseball bat. As young believers, we will take our best swings at living out the gospel. But, over time, we will encounter friction, and small blisters will pop up in our hearts, making them hard and calloused. There will be moments when we seek to serve, selflessly pouring our life out for the church, and then we're taken advantage of by the church. There will be moments we love fervently, and then that person betrays or abandons us. There will be moments when we seek to be kind to our coworkers, and then we hear them badmouthing us in the break room.
Swing after swing. We strive to live out the gospel. But, in return, we're met with betrayal and rejection. The next thing we know, we've become jaded. We've become bitter. We've become indifferent toward the life and difficulties of those around us. Instead of looking for opportunities to serve, we find excuses not to serve.
A hard heart is a fertile soil to only the weeds of sin. But, a tender heart is a fertile soil to the many fruits of righteous and Godly living. So, we must remain tender-hearted.
How do we remain tender-hearted? We stay close to the cross. We remind ourselves of what God has done for us in Christ Jesus. The cross tenderizes our hearts. As believers, the longer we fix our hearts on the cross, the more we will be willing to live out the cross. The light of the cross will peer into our hearts, and the fog of bitterness will begin to dissipate. Kindness and forgiveness will soon be on our lips.
FORGIVENESS
Paul tells us to forgive because God has forgiven us in Christ Jesus. Forgiveness (charizomai) is a gospel word. It's to give graciously to someone, the act of restoring a relationship from one to another.
Sometimes, forgiveness is really difficult to give. I've talked with many of you, and you've shared with me ways you've been hurt and wronged by others. I never want to come across as insensitive to the pain you've experienced in your life. But I want to remind you that no one knows the pain of rejection better than God. God understands trauma. God understands heartache; his heart has been broken. God understands rejection; he's been rejected. God understands shame; he's been publicly mocked, shamed, and ridiculed. Yet, God in Christ Jesus took extreme measures to forgive those who hurt him. Jesus willingly marched to the cross so that our sins might be forgiven and our relationship with God might be restored. At the cross, Christ says, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."
Satan wants you to hold on to bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice. But God wants you to put these things away. God is inviting his people to a better way of living. He's inviting us to be kind to one another, tender-hearted, and forgiving, as God in Christ has forgiven us.
Forgiveness is always better than resentment. Sometimes, there will be people who have hurt and wronged us and don't care. They don't want to be forgiven. But, if you have a fractured relationship in your life, may it never be because of your unwillingness to extend forgiveness. C.S. Lewis says, "To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you."