A proverbial saying has been floating around neighborhood playgrounds for generations. Across the globe, kids will mock their offenders with the quote, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
This saying aims to communicate to our offenders that the offensive words they threw at us have rendered themselves ineffective. Their comments have not succeeded in offending us.
This saying was often on my lips as a kid. And though I may have convinced little Johnny that he didn't hurt my feelings, I could never convince myself.
We are not the little indestructible human beings we led others to believe we are. As much as we try to make it seem like words are powerless, deep down, we know that words possess great power. Depending on how they are used, words can be like medicine, or they can be like poison. They can lead to life, or they can lead to death.
You see, we live in a fallen and broken world that's full of broken and hurt people. So, we shouldn't be surprised when hurt people say hurtful things to us. It comes with the territory. But we're going to learn today that believers are expected to use their words differently than those around them. We no longer use our words to hurt; we use our words to heal. We no longer use our words for death; we use our words for life. We no longer use our words to tear down; we use our words to build up. A relationship with God should impact how we speak to those around us. As recipients of grace, we must use our words to give grace.
Let's dive in.
"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."
WORDS ARE POWERFUL
The first thing we see here is a contrast between two different ways of talking. There's a corrupt way and a good way. This tells us that our words are a powerful tool that can lead to death or life. They can be poison, or they can be medicine. They can tear down, or they can build up. They can cause pain, or they can bring healing.
The word corrupt is a word in the Bible that represents something of bad quality, something rotten or worthless. It's a term of evil and wickedness. We see Jesus use this word to describe bad fruit from a tree or rotten fish from the sea. So, it's something that's gross and rotten, an instrument of death and sickness.
Good, however, is a word that means useful, pleasant, upright, honorable, and excellent. Jesus uses this term to describe good fruit or good fish. So, it's the opposite of corruption. It's a term of health, holiness, and reasonableness. It's something that leads to life and health, not death and sickness.
Think about it this way. Let's say you're walking down the beach and find a dead fish washed up on shore with flies surrounding it. What would happen if you took that rotten fish home and ate it? You would get really sick. The same is true with our words. Corrupt words are sickening, while good words are nourishing. Corrupt words are like poison, while good words are like medicine. Corrupt words tear down while good words build up.
There are no morally neutral words. There are only two different directions our words can go: to death or life.
This is a principle that has rung true since the beginning of time. Go all the way back to Genesis. In Genesis 1, God uses words to create, bless, and command his creation. From the creation of light to the formation of man, God created through words. He used his words for life, speaking the world into existence. And, following his creation, he spoke a blessing over those he made in his image. God has always used his words for life and blessing. But, if you turn in your Bible two pages to the right to Genesis 3, you will find how words were also used to lead to death. In Genesis 3, we see Satan use his words to deceive Adam and Eve into disobeying God. Satan came questioning God's commands with deceptive words, which led to Adam and Eve eating the fruit that God commanded them not to eat. So, God spoke in creation, and Satan spoke in the fall. God uses his words for life. Satan uses his words for death.
Words are so much more than air flowing past our vocal cords. Our words are powerful instruments that can lead to death or life. Therefore, we ought to pause and carefully think about how we are using our speech on a day-to-day basis.
WORDS REVEAL OUR HEART
Words are powerful tools that can lead to death and life, but they're also powerful instruments capable of revealing the state of our hearts. The words we say directly reflect what's inside of us. Our hearts and tongues are never at odds with one another. They work hand in hand. Our hearts are the source of the words we speak, and the words we speak reveal the state of our hearts.
On multiple occasions throughout Jesus's life, he reiterated that the fruit of our life directly indicates the type of person we are. In Matthew 12, for example, while speaking to the Pharisees, Jesus says, "Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."
So, your words reveal to those around you who you are as a person. The good person speaks good words; the corrupt person speaks corrupt words. And we will be judged by the words we speak.
But do you know what's interesting about this statement here by Jesus? He's speaking to the Pharisees. The Pharisees were the religious elite, those who prided themselves in obeying the law. Yet, in talking to those who prided themselves in the law, he calls them a "brood of vipers," a group of snakes.
This tells me that Jesus is attacking something deeper here. He's not worried about people adopting specific religious phrases because it's possible to use religious words in a non-religious way. It's possible to use positive words in a negative manner.
For example, you could mockingly say to your mom, "Ok, MoM. I'll dO wHaT yOu SaY." Those are good words used in a demeaning manner. Or, at Bible study, you could say, "Bless their hearts," then slander your neighbor. You've disguised corrupt words with a Godly phrase.
Our words can be used to tear down, or they can be used to build up, and our words reveal the state of our hearts. So, what is coming out of your heart?
I'm not asking if you cuss (that's another conversation for another day); I'm asking you to go deeper. It's easy to stop saying the "D-word." It's hard to speak encouraging, life-giving words to those around you. So, what do your words say about who you are as a person? Which kingdom do your words show you belong to: God's kingdom or the kingdom of this world?
Those who belong to God's kingdom will seek to use their words to build up. Those who belong to the kingdom of this world will use their words to tear down.
RIGHT WORDS, RIGHT TIME
There's a phrase in this sentence in Ephesians that might be easy to overlook— "as fits the occasion."
We often dress for the occasion. We don't wear to a wedding what we would wear to a gym. And we don't wear at home what we would wear at work. A tuxedo is nice. But, it's not appropriate to wear to work. It doesn't fit the occasion.
In the same way, we ought to make sure our words fit the occasion. This tells us that there might be a time to be quiet. Sometimes, we need to open our mouths and say something nice; sometimes, we just need to be quiet and listen.
There will be times in our lives when our hearts will be burning with rage, and we want to say something hurtful to the person who has hurt us. We should refrain from such speech. But there will also be times when we want to say something nice and helpful to someone hurting. But, it might just be best for us to quietly put our arm around that person and weep with them.
Every occasion is different. So, before we say something, we should ask, "Is this the right time to say what I want to say?"
Sometimes it's good to be quiet, but sometimes it's good to speak up. Proverbs 15:28 says, "The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things."
To "ponder" means to study, meditate, or give careful thought to something. So, we should give careful thought to the words we speak. The Christian should seek to speak appropriate words. We should contemplate our hearts and motives— "Why do I want to say what I'm about to say?" We should ponder our words— "Are my words correct, true, and seasoned with grace?" We should consider the person we're speaking to— "Will my response here be helpful?"
GRACIOUS WORDS
We should seek to speak fewer words, and we should strive to speak appropriate words. The proper Christian approach to words is to carefully think about how to use our words to "build up" others, not tear them down. We strive to give grace to those who hear.
What is grace? Grace is an undeserved gift.
In Ephesians 2, Paul paints a beautiful picture of grace. He says, "[1] And you were dead in the trespasses and sins [2] in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—[3] among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. [4] But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, [5] even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved…"
This is rebellious language. This is mockery language. This language depicts us as incapable of living a life honoring God. Yet, God still pursued us. He made us alive with Christ. He saved us by grace. He's seated us in the heavenly places with Christ. He's extended to us riches whenever we deserve poverty. He's extended to us kindness when we deserve wrath.
Grace is an undeserved gift. The Son of God willingly entered a hostile world with grace, love, and kindness. He willingly marched to the cross, laying his life down so that "children of wrath" might become "children of God."
Here's what's really important for us to understand: we cannot speak grace until we've first experienced grace. Our words cannot change our hearts, but our hearts can change our words. And the beauty of the gospel is that, in Christ, God gives us a new heart. When we trust in Jesus, the Holy Spirit moves into our hearts, transforms our hearts and minds, and replaces our heart of stone with a heart of flesh. So, speaking life-giving words is a byproduct of experiencing eternal life.
When God's grace seeps into our hearts, we begin to be transformed into the image of Christ. We cannot speak grace until we've first experienced grace.
If grace is an undeserved gift, then there will undoubtedly be moments when our hearers don't deserve kind words. But, those who have received grace will be willing to do as Jesus has done. As recipients of grace, we must be extenders of grace. If our heart has received grace, then our hearts will become filled with grace, and a heart filled with grace will begin to speak graciously. So, may we be men and women willing to interject kind words into a hostile world, just as our Savior has done.