There is one unifying factor for all of us right now. The corona virus is affecting all of our daily lives. Social distancing mandates have seemed to take over and not much else is talked about. COVID-19 is the main thing in the news, and all of the headlines are daunting: how many cases there are, the number of people who have died, and how long we must live in this weird limbo of isolation. Honestly, I’ve felt pretty weighed down by it all, which is understandable, because it is a lot to take in.
But what is not okay is the fact that I have let it harden my heart towards God. Unfortunately, I can be quite the cynic, and our current circumstances have brought out the worst in me.
It is important to note that I live and work in a residential community for adults with intellectual disabilities. The measures we are taking to protect our vulnerable community members have thrown off the normal routine. Changes in routine are hard in general, but it has felt especially challenging for my friends at L’Arche. Some sweet friends were really looking forward to competing in a special Olympics swim meet, and I dreaded having to tell them that it was cancelled. I can barely wrap my head around everything going on, so how could I possibly impress to them the importance of staying home for their protection?
I was also sad because five sweet international volunteers had to leave early. These friendships really meant a lot to me and we all thought we had so much more time together. It was hard to say goodbye so suddenly.
It was with all of these emotions that I settled into my own little pity party. When I received an email a few days ago with the suggestion to use this time to write about how God was working, I dismissed it pretty quickly. I’d seen lots of posts about rediscovering the simple joys of life in this time of quarantine, and I couldn’t genuinely agree. I was struggling to be hopeful, so I figured I couldn’t have much to say to people who were wanting a hopeful message.
So far this blog has just been about how this pandemic sucks. And it does, I believe in being honest. People have lost loved ones, plans have been changed, and no one has a clear answer of when it will be over. But there is more to it than just terrible news. I woke up this morning feeling especially sad. I cried and wondered what was wrong with me because others seemed to be handling all of this so much better than I was.
Then I read these words from Oswald Chambers,
“Begin with the circumstances we are in- our homes, our business, our country, the present crisis as it touches us and others- are these things crushing us? Are they badgering us out of the presence of God and leaving us no time for worship?”
OSWALD HOW DID YOU KNOW? That is exactly what I had been feeling. I allowed these present circumstances to knock me off balance and take my focus off of what really matters.
In Matthew 14: 22-33 we see an unbelievable story play out. Jesus walked on water to meet his disciples out in the middle of the sea during a raging storm. Peter, in a moment of great courage, walked out on the water to meet Jesus. Then almost immediately, Peter looked around at the howling wind and began to panic. Jesus takes hold of Peter’s hand and keeps him from sinking.
Like Peter, I had taken my eyes off my Savior and was only focusing on how scary the waves were. Jesus asks Peter, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” Jesus was asking me, “Claire, why are you doubting that I could be working in this?”
Just a few chapters before, Peter had seen Jesus calm the wind and the waves and now he was out here scared of the water? I know that Jesus has been faithful to me, and I’m going to doubt him again? Man, I’m really thankful that God doesn’t get tired of having to remind me of his love. He is ready to show me, if only I’m ready to see it.
I have a lot to learn from my sweet friends at L’Arche. One girl said to me, “You know, I’ve lived here 13 years and I feel like we’re all so much closer with all this going on.”
Friends, I was prone to withdraw into myself with all of this going on, but I pray that this is true for us as a church and for the greater community: that we emerge from this weird season more closely bonded and with our gaze fixed upon our great God.
A prayer written by Blaise Pascal (who I honestly don’t know that much about but these words resonated with me) says, “Grant that as a true Christian, I may recognize Thee as my Father and as my God in whatever estate I find myself, since the change in my condition brings no change in Thine own.” Lord, this difficult season that we are in doesn’t change anything about who you are. Remind me that you are still in control. Help me to see you in these days that may seem mundane. For you are in them all, and I can find you, if I only fix my eyes to see you.