Recently I was listening to a song from Steffany Gretzinger called “Out of Hiding” and there is a line in this song that really hit me. The line goes “And I will illuminate everything, no need to be frightened by intimacy, oh just throw off your fear and come running to me.” This line is sung in the perspective of God to us, His children. It’s an invitation to the best and scariest intimate relationship we can have. But why is that? Why is intimacy scary and so hard to get while always being at the forefront for what we truly desire.
The Garden
Intimacy was designed into our very being. We were never created to be isolated or alone. We, as humans, were created in the image of God. God Himself is community:
“Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.” (Genesis 1:26, emphasis added)
So if God is community and we are an outpour of His own image and love, then by no surprise are we also designed for community. And for true community to form, there has to be true relationship, and at the core of true relationship is intimacy.
But this is extremely scary.
We have a fear of intimacy because this means we must expose all that we are to another created being. This means all our faults, failures, and regrets. The things we even try and hide from ourselves have to come to light and be revealed out in the open.
This is not our default setting. As humans our default setting is actually the opposite.
Run and Hide
As humans, at the first sign of exposure to true intimacy, we normally run and hide. This is because the sin that we are trying to cover up makes us believe that no one would truly love us if this was discovered. So instead of showing those ugly traits, we put up a façade and only let others get within an arm’s reach because if they truly knew the details, truly knew our thoughts, actions, or past failures, they would go running for the hills. Again look what Adam and Eve did when they were revealed:
“Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. (Genesis 3:7-8)
As soon as Adam and Eve saw they were naked, fully exposed and not just in a physical sense but also in a spiritual sense, they tried to cover up their nakedness and hide their sins from being found out. And this is still what we do today.
We Aren’t Alone
So because we see our own sin in us, we isolate ourselves from others. We run from real relationships, we hide our thoughts, we only allow people to see what we want them to see. While hiding the pain we feel, we go to social media to post only the best pictures, presenting ourselves as happy people who live wonderful lives. In doing so, we suppress the struggles we are going through, the loneliness we feel, and the desperate want for true intimacy.
This isolation is a self-induced paradox!
We think that if we present ourselves the best we can, then others will be attracted to that and maybe like us and want a relationship with us. Then, hopefully, intimacy will happen. But what this actually does is only attract other people putting up the same façade, reaching only surface level, and true intimacy is never reached.
What a crux we have made!
But there is some really good news. We aren’t the only ones struggling. As a matter of fact, everyone is struggling with sin.
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23, emphasis added)
When Paul pens the word “all” there in verse 23, he isn’t saying that only the people who look like they are struggling have fallen short of the glory of God. No, Paul is saying we all have fallen short, everyone who has ever lived. We are all struggling with sin and we are all in the sinking boat.
But God
But there is a hope! A hope for true intimacy even in our nasty, dark sin. A hope for a love that breaks down barriers, sees the mess, and loves anyway.
“But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
This is the unfailing love that brings true intimacy! We have no fear of being found out as a fraud, rejected, or unworthy. God saw all of it, past, present, and future, yet still says, “I want you.” Steffany even goes on to bring this truth to light in the chorus which says “cause I loved you before you knew it was love, and I saw it all still I chose the cross, you were the one I was thinking of when I rose from the grave.” The cross declares that God loves you even with your mess, and the empty grave shows that you are more precious than you can fathom.
True Intimacy
Learning that God sees our mess yet still died for us to be in a relationship with Him forever is overwhelming and freeing. It shows that no mess is too much, no sin is too dark, and no amount of faking can release God from wanting you. He frees us from hiding and covering. He shows us what it is to be truly intimate. Fully known, yet fully loved. This is how we reach true intimacy with each other. God not only wants us to be intimate with Him but also each other. This happens when we put down our barriers, show our mess, and reveal our hurt. Although this isn’t easy, and one of the scariest endeavors you can make, you might be surprised to see the love that flows out of this true intimacy.